May 2013
deodrant:
i dont understand how some fries can be longer than the average potato
i feel bad for nice sharks because no matter how nice they are everyone screams and swims away scared shitless like maybe that shark just wanted to braid hairs and talk about celebs
xaynmalik:
nue:
i get so uncomfortable when people ask me what im doing on the computer like can u not
janersm:
sexting-inchurch:
beautilation:
banasmagiccastle:
sarcasminc:
arigoato:
funny text posts arent my
Puns like that could get you in
give it a
Yeah I think the joke might be falling
This would probably be a lot funnier if I could read sheet music
It’s no one else’s fault that you aren’t that
nahshaw:
i went out to eat lunch with my mom and i forgot what a knife was called so i asked the waitress for “one of those things that you use to stab people with”
mew-squared:
In 2009, a man married a video game character
In 2007, a woman married the Eiffel Tower
In 2008, a man married a life-sized doll
Also in 2009, a woman married a roller coaster
And in 2005, a woman married a dolphin
please explain to me why people still say that gays shouldnt be able to be married to preserve the sanctity of marraige
assiest:
life is full of little surprises, for example:
‘dog food lid’ when read backwards is ‘dildo of god’
truly amazing
denounces:
I JUST WANT A BOY TO LIKE ME AND THINK I AM PRETTY AND WANT TO KISS ME AND OTHER THINGS AND GO TO CONCERTS WITH ME AND GO CAMPING AND WATCH THE STARS AND TALK ABOUT THE UNIVERSE AND UGH
jad3harley:
mySIS TER JUST ASKED ME “can a human being orgasm on a bed of ice”
and i responded “only if youre into coldplay”
AND WE JSUT SLOWLY REALIZED WHAT I JUST SAID
the-lonely-scottish-guy:
if everybody got a free miniature animal at birth that protected you, like a tiny elephant or dragon, the world would be a better place.
imaginelarrys:
stylinsmut:
im a hostess at a restaurant and my favorite thing to do is ask 14/15 year old boys who are out on dates if they want a kids menu
i love you
abuserr2:
96% of people i care about are from the internet
taking your friendship to the next level by adding your tumblr friend on facebook
nagayki:
have you ever shipped something so hard that you started crying
shuckl:
shuckl:
shuckl:
toast annoys me so much cos like it’s bread that’s been toasted so we call it “toast” but if you fry a potato it’s not called a “fry”
fries
do you ever look back at your mistakes
ju-ke:
i’m tasteless but so is water and we all need that
petcanadian:
just let this sink in
Nicolas Cage has won an Oscar, but Leo hasn’t
jerkenglish:
apparently my frikcking seven year old cousin made a club at school called the “no friends club” and basically everyone who doesnt have friends sits together at lunch holy shit hes going to be the next leader of the free world
urbancatfitters:
i’m such a shitty friend and i act like i’ll be a good friend and i’m like oh i’m here for you but then i’m tired all the time and i don’t text back and i might not even say hi to you if i see you because i don’t like socially interacting and everyone annoys me and i’m so sorry
thatsnothowyouusethat:
do she got the booty?
she doooo
diagondaley:
buttgenie:
i hate when a teacher is genuinely funny and i’m the only one in the entire classroom that laughs at their jokes since everybody i go to school with are distasteful heathens
#especially those sarcastic witty teachers who have amazing comebacks but everyone is fucking moronic and not intelligent enough to understand the beauty of what theyre saying and i get so upset
bynesexual:
when ur friends make inside jokes that ur not in on
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the...
perseusjacksoff:
glamcamchic:
balloonney:
LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE SHITS
he doesn’t just want to get to the other side of the road
he wants to get to
the other side
the motherfucking chicken is suicidal
oh my fuck MY LIFE IS A LIE
Oh.
longhighway:
I AM REALLY UPSET BECAUSE NOBODY IS KISSING ME OR GOING OUT WITH ME OR CRUSHING ON ME EVERYONE ELSE HAS A PERSON WHERE IS MY PERSON WHY DONT I GET A FRICKIN PERSON
iceepr1ncess:
literally nothing feels better than being loved by someone who hates everyone
